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| Well, I haven't used xanga in a very long time, so i figured in my spare time that I'd start posting on it rather than keep some things to myself or too maybe one other. I think this website i had set up to forward to facebook too, so if it does you'll see this there, if not then it will stay here. lol. if it doesn't then i will take a summary and put it on facebook.
Well since on facebook i have had a few attempts to keep people updated with whats been going on with me, i'll begin where i left off. Besides some music quotes, poems, and rants, its been a long time since i posted a purely personal bio or anything of the sort. so ill try to update you from that point on as much as i feel important and can remember.
well, lets get the more personal stuff out of the way so its done and over with. As some of you may know, or may have briefly ready in my past posts, but I'm going to go over some of it briefly. I used to be in a very secular group of people. We used to go clubbing, drinking, go out with as many girls as possible, to be alone with them(Obvious things implied), etc. On occasion we would try to steal some things from certain places(small objects, things left outside). A very self centered view on life. If you want to ask me about it one on one you can. Anyways, as i got into my final year of high school I started to remove myself from that group and started going to church more and when I got to college I joined CCC. (Campus Crusade for Christ). Since then i have tried to remove all of those old habits of mine and be more like what God asks us to be. And sometimes, especially early on, some of my old language and over-the-top jokes showed through. I'm glad I've got it mostly behind me know. But like anyone else I still trip. And if you say you don't, well thats again self-centered, because we're people, human, we make mistakes, We just have to learn from them and move on. Don't look back on it, and say "woe is me! I'm so stupid." Just learn and move on. put it behind you. You will be forgiven if you ask for it. As my closest friends have. The ones who trust me and I trust them. Especially my girlfriend, which i am greatly thankful for. What bothers me though, is the people in CCC I've tried to be nice too and tried to be friends with and yet they somehow view me as a person like one of my past. When i know i have been past it for years and tried to show them that I am doing my best be a child of God, still learning, but doing the best I can. I know this because my close friends have said some things about it, so that I know what i need to work on more and grow to be better. It really bothers me that some people view me that way when I have worked so hard to show that I am still growing and learning. And honestly, knowing that has really made me question the integrity of CCC as a whole. If those people claim to be learning and growing children of God, how can they block people who have had similar experiences as me, from being around the group and trying to learn more about what is right? From my point of view it's similar to being self centered and saying "O, um, we are on this higher understanding... um, why do you go hangout with someone else." what is so bad about being open minded to meeting and learning more about new people? what if they have a story to tell that you can learn from and grow to be stronger in your faith?
As for now I have my group of friends that make me laugh and smile and if you want to be friends with me I am open to it. I just wish people followed something similar to what pastor Dave has said "To be right with God, you have to do the right things, at the right time, in the right way, for the right reasons.".
Anyways, I really hope things at work become easier, I'm tired of the immature crap that happens there. All the rumors and combines of hate between everyone, its so immature and stupid. People need to grow up. I just would like a fun summer, meet new friends and enjoy myself. Maybe play a few football games or go roller blading, or jet skiing, or something along those lines.
As for Sarah, my girlfriend, She is amazing. She see's me for who I really am and does a lot for me. More than i could ever ask of her. A lot of the time I feel that I don't deserve half of what she does for me, but she keeps telling me that she wishes she could do more. Which is really confusing to me, I really don't know how she see's me that way but I'm glad she does. I do everything that i can for her. I just want to see her as happy as she can be. occasionally we disagree on things, but i just want her to know that she's my inspiration to be better and that she has made me so much happier than i have been in a long time. I really hope this lasts for awhile to come.
well, I had a few other minor things to say but I'm lazy and they aren't important so maybe ill vent about them tomorrow. lol | | |
| I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me
I’m more than a bird...i’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see
It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me
Up, up and away...away from me
It’s all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy...or anything...
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me
I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
I’m only a man
Looking for a dream
I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...
Its not easy to be me | | |
| I have been meaning to write something for awhile but nothing has come to mind. I used to write all the time. But now seemingly I have less to say. so for the moment as of right now Im just going to say whats on my mind. All summer it seems, since the party I hosted at the church, I have wanted to get back to classes just so I can see everyone again. But now I feel like i dont want to be there. I just dont feel the level of accomplishment, want, or fun of being there around everyone. At MCC or elsewhere. Granted I have spent alot of time with someone whom I love and care for deeply and have enjoyed every minute of it. But it just seems everything changed. It seems like everyone has been doing things on their own. whatever happened to group unity and friendship? What about sharing laughter? | | |
| There was a time when he loved you.
It was a time when you were his world, You were the one of only a few, And now his heart lives in pieces. It hurts him so much to wake up everyday knowing he's alone. Is it possible for a man to live in so much pain? Can he survive the very pain that hurts the most? You were his love and now he must pretend you never were. But, the question still stands: Can he survive a broken heart? Can any man live with a broken heart? -Jack Alan
(actually written sun. 4-8) | | |
| RELIENT K LYRICS
"For The Moments I Feel Faint"
Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?
[Chorus:]
Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you your wrong.
Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong
I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear
[Chorus]
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands | | |
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